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Psychotherapy and Mental Health Questions

TERRIFIED: Fading in and out of lost time. Possible DID?

Mon, Apr 2nd 2007

FIRST, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR A PROPOSED ANSWER... I first realized I was fading into lost time at 19 (late 1980's) during activities, second year out of the family house. Blink of an eye switch, present then non-present then present. Never told anyone...didn't bother me.

CHILDHOOD DX: Failure to Thrive = 5 years to 13 years old. PROGRESSIVELY LONGER TIME LOST (FRAGMENTS?)

ACTIVITY: School, social, study, family, work
TIME LOST: 5 minutes to 15 minutes once or twice a week.
BEHAVIOR: Lost time; not present (in my conscious state nor my non-present state). Unable to recall memories.
OCCURANCE: 10x yearly (approx.); rarely but noticeable.

ACTIVITY: study TIME LOST: 3 days
BEHAVIOR: Lost identity, unknown environment or obligations.
OCCURANCE: twice in 1980's, once in 1990's

ACTIVITY: study TIME LOST: 3 hour segments, average,
BEHAVIOR: Lost identity, unknown environment or obligations.
OCCURANCE: 1990's two separate days, 4 years apart (approx.)

ACTIVITY: Classes, social outings, work (no body around), family
TIME LOST: 2 to 3 hours
BEHAVIOR: Lost time. Not-present (in my conscious state nor my non-present state). Unable to recall memories.
OCCURANCE: average 1x to 2x weekly; 2006 to present

ACTIVITY: Home working.
LOST TIME: 2 hours per day within 5 day segment
BEHAVIOR: Lost time; present in my non-present state.
MET:4 children (9,6,6,4 years old)
CONVERSATIONS: Children (last day we all were together, children...active...confusing...terrifying experience) One 6 year old terrified me by swearing and threatening me. I tried to ask why she was angry at me and she blamed me for everything. I cried.....and she laughed I do not swear unless I am angry. Now, I swear more often than not and controlling my language is very very difficult.

ACTIVITY: In bed typing
LOST TIME: 2 hours per day within a 2 day segment
BEHAVIOR: Lost time (present in my not present state).
MET: 25 year old.
CONVERSATION: 25 yo. very assertive (present state- I am not assertive) and was stern. She kept saying, "We spoke before can't you remember we met before?" I replied, "No," and we argued.

Fading mode occurs more often than not. Focusing on body awareness I am able to stay fully conscious but most of the time this does not work.

I cannot understand what is happening to me. How can I trust myself if I don't know what is going on in my non-present state? I am terrified to sleep because I do not want to face the 6 yo. who kept yelling at me. I don't care about eating I don't have the desire to eat. I am overweight so my body can take care of itself...if it's hungry. I could do anything! I may get put in jail and become present and not even know what is going on. The is serious. I cannot live this way. This has to stop. I learn by research. I love research.

QUESTIONS:

  1. Can you tell me words I can research to dissect what is happening to me so I learn and find appropriate therapy?
  2. Is a specialist in a particular field needed?
  3. What kind of therapy would best work, for example, creative therapies, talk therapy (CBT), holistic/behavioral/humanistic, etc.? Definitely psychotherapy. (No shrinks allowed)
  4. What educational background of a counselor should I consider would be most beneficial? begging: Could you also paste your proposed reply in my email? gabriellemu@yahoo.com I am really desperate and I am asking the world for help. If you chose not to answer could you offer resources, referrals, etc. so I can do my own research? I thank you for your kind attention and I hope you chose to answer.

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